a thank you note... or two.

this week has been full of exciting and eventful experiences and we would just like to take the opportunity to say thank you.

first thank you goes to the olive garden. dear olive garden, THANK YOU for recccomending the chicken marsala or should i say, the chicken marSUCKa? very few things have disappointed us more than that dish. the picture on the menu stole our attention instantly. had we known the succulent image would evolve into a week old, dried out distatsteful lump, we would have passed. (your only saving grace was the bread sticks.)

next to the man who bumped our car. dear sir, i am from arizona. i am not accustomed to driving in the snow. you are from lincoln and have nothing better to do with your time than trounce around this winter hell hole and piss decent people like me off. as my husband can atest you are just lucky i hate the cold SO much that i refused to get out of my car and let you know how inappropriate your impatience really was. have fun in anger management class...(or maybe i'll see you there!)
thanks again for bumping our car.

to the 3 discs between L3 and S1 in wes's spine. dear discs, we appreciate you SO much choosing to hurniate at such an opportune time. at least law school doesn't require sitting for long periods of time. (that means it does.) i also appreciate the fact that you have restricted me to a diet of slim fast and hydrocodone. ps. if you could remove yourselves from my siatic nerve i'd really appreciate it.

to paisley. dear daughter, thank you so much for vomiting all over your car seat and your bed. AND the carpet in your room. as your parents we love nothing more than cleaning up your regurgitated meals. bless your heart. we love you. get well soon.

to mr. habib at the calendar store at the mall. dear mr. habib, thank you so much for explaining why it is NOT necessary to have elevator access to the cookie shoppe downstairs. yes, i understand that installing an elevator for one store might sound a little unreasonable to you. but the next time youre pushing your sick kid in a stroller on a day when its negative 10 degrees outside, and you have pms, and the ONLY thing that will make life worth living is an overdose chocolate cookie, maybe you'll begin to understand the importance of convinient access to the cookie shoppe downstairs. thank you karen lange for introducing me to the cookie shoppe. ive been 2 times this week and couldnt be happier.

thanks for listening
a&w